Living on the Edge?…..

“Come to the edge.

We might fall.

Come to the edge.

It’s too high!

COME TO THE EDGE!

And they came,

and he pushed,

and they flew.”

– Christopher Logue

Apparently often wrongly attributed to Guillaume Apollinaire.

I always lived my life in the “fastlane”. I worked by day and sang in a rock band by night. Over time I became a trainer, a guitar teacher, a civil servant, a hospital worker, a lawyer, a specialist in employment and discrimination law, a judge (part-time), a non executive director x3, a company director, a trustee, a mediator, a foodie, a facilitator, a carer to my disabled husband following his strokes, .. I didn’t stop for my own health grumbles. Oh sure, I consulted specialists, from time to time, but no one had any idea what was wrong with me anyway. Symptoms came and went. I dealt with what I had to and then ignored them as much as was possible. Gradually the stealthy illness dragon woke and started to burn me. Its strength fuelled by my diet and lifestyle choices. One day I woke up to its fire….

So there I was standing in the clinic in my “fat”designer (bought in the sale) somewhat shapeless clothes. (Designer because expensive clothes made the weight gain look ok, you know – yeah right! just who was I kidding??) Trendy dark glasses because my eyes had suddenly become sensitive to light. Hobbling a bit because my toes hurt with arthritis pain.Brain fog. A few spots on my face and mouth ulcers because they had all erupted like external and internal mini volcanos that morning. These, together with a constant wheeze in my chest; some pain across my shoulders and in my elbows, knees, feet and hands; “hurting”hair where I recently had my hair dyed; a rumbling tummy that boded an imminent trip to the bathroom and a veritable plethora of other symptoms, were a usual part of my day. Did I mention the weight gain? Oh yes! At least 3 stones (42lbs/19 Kgs) of extra me!.

Typically, I decided it was time I lost the weight.

The biochemist that I was consulting looked at me almost pityingly and said “So do you think that your excess weight is your most serious issue?” And, funnily enough, at the time I did. I was so used to all my other symptoms I regarded them as ‘normal’ for me, and, growing out of my expensive clothes, purchased at the time in my life when I was earn-ing a bit of cash, seemed like a bad thing to do. I really could not afford to replace them. Vanity thy name is Su!

Oh little did I know then that my life was about to change radically and irrevocably. In fact I was standing on the precipice of ill health and probably, given what was happening to my body, I had already started to slip down. the sickness slope…

So began my battle to regain my health…..